justwronggreetings.com

Instead of the usual “I Love You” card, I’m giving my girlfriend a Just Wrong Greetings Valentine’s Day Card that tells her just how I feel. “The greatest rewards of life lie in the moments we sit together sharing our hopes, our dreams, our fears… but sometimes I wish you’d just shut up and suck my cock.” I think it’s direct enough to get my love across. Don’t you? Personalize and send your loved one this Valentine’s day card here:

http://bit.ly/dn93DE

Here’s Pamela Anderson, apparently hawking something that none of us care about. But there was a time when she could have sold us cold dog crap and we’d have bought it. That was prior to the sun damage, fake eyebrows and the gonorrhea/syphilis double smack-down her vagina regularly gives it’s victims. So be thankful you’ll have a Happy Valentine’s day with your loved one, knowing your bare pee-pee won’t light up the room like you’re wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom.

While I recognize that statements like that won’t get me anywhere with my date on the 14th, I do believe this country was founded on principals like free speech. So suck it.

What was that honey? Oh, no chance now?… shit.

Because JustWrongGreetings.com loves you (and is likely the culprit who gave you herpes last Christmas), we will be posting some daily love, as a reminder to send a card to your loved one.

Today our heart goes to Tila Tequila, the Asian bi-midget who could have been cute if she wasn’t so batshit insane. And a camera whore. And a feaster of publicity even if it means trampling on the death of a young girl. Ah, Tila. You are what Valentine’s Day is all about. Now let’s start making motorboat sounds between those silicon mounds.

Valentine’s Day is coming up and Just Wrong Greetings has cards for  you and yours. Unless yours looks like this. Then we suggest you don’t bother because, seriously, where’s she gonna go?

I have no idea where these are from, but I must have them. You know, because my doorbell broke…. Seriously.

Okay, I get it. You’re not particularly good looking, and I would guess you have an ass the size of a golf-cart so you can’t get laid anyway. But still, if you’re going to do something as dumb as this, at least get your teeth straightened first. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen that many teeth heading off in different directions other than that three toothed hooker I met in Mexico. And she was eighty – so she had an excuse. Good luck with your job in… well, I’m not sure where you can get hired looking like that. Even a xxx video store has its’ standards.

Drive me home

Garmin, long known for there GPS systems have just added a new Sex GPS to their successful product line. Intended for the sexually challenged this product will direct the users to the sensitive spots they need to get to. You can set it for Foreplay which includes many detours or for Quickie, if you are short on time. It also include a log book of routes you have taken with different people. This feature is best kept password protected.

Unfortunately the Garmin Sex GPS only works once you have wooed your partner to your bedroom. It can not aid in you finding someone to have sex with your sorry ass. Although it does offer a list of 1 900 numbers in the self service mode.

While cleaning her Burbank house in preparation for an estate sale, Ruth Berkowitz happened upon this picture of Pinocchio in her attic. Ruth believes her late husband Edgar took the shot while they were shooting Pinocchio on the Disney lot. Fearing arrest for photographing underage naked puppets, Arnold most likely hid the picture away and forgot about it. Disney aficionados believe a picture of Pinocchio “Burning Wood” will fetch a five figure bid.

I can’t imagine how a presentation by this guy could ever go wrong. The hairstyle, the glasses, the fact that he’s got a toilet paper dispenser on his head. Who wouldn’t want to give this guy money for his ideas? In fact, if you see this sir… or ma’am, whichever, I can’t really tell, please contact me. I have a few bucks and some pocket lint to get you going, but I want 50%.